How To Argue Like a Girl
If you're a lazy boyfriend, then there's a good chance you're two things: happy, and frequently arguing with your.  There's no way you'll ever win any of those arguments against your bat-shit crazy girlfriend by using normal human logic.  If you want to emerge victorious in your next spat, you're going to have to argue like a girl.  Here's how to do it:




Talk Non-Stop

 

The reason girls win so many arguments is because they’re generally doing all the talking. You’re usually sitting there silently trying to remember what baseball game is on in an hour, or if you washed your balls in the shower this morning. Next time you fight, try stringing 10 sentences together of whatever nonsense comes into your head. This will distract her, and a distracted woman is a disadvantaged one:

 

You: I'd like to tell you how this makes me feel.

 

Girlfriend: How what makes you feel?! You’re the one that completely forgot Valentine’s Day!

 

You: [Girlfriend's Name], you’re not listening to me. This really hurts me. Every time you try to talk to me about something, I feel like you’re attacking me. It’s making me hurt inside. I’m trying to express it to you, but I don’t know if you’re listening. It’s hard for me to feel these things sometimes. I feel like you’re not listening, and attacking. Just attacking and doing a lot of not listening. Are you listening to me? I feel like you don’t hear me. Please, just listen!

 

Work Up Some Salty Discharge

 

You know the drill: Just when you start winning an argument, your girlfriend starts the waterworks. This usually makes you feel bad, and then you just let her win. This time, pull out your own bag of saline tricks. If you’re not sure you’re capable of expressing any emotion, try this method: Start concentrating on something very sad (a puppy with cancer, your penis falling off, the NBA going on strike, etc.), and think about having gonorrhea all over your body…and diarrhea all over your gonorrhea. If that doesn’t get the tears flowing, just say you're going to the bathroom and then quickly watch the scene in Top Gun where Goose dies. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Threaten To Take Sex Away

Girls think they’re so clever. They know we want sex, and they know that if they threaten to take it away we’ll come to our senses and stop arguing with them.  It takes brass balls to make this one work, so get yours out of the closet and dust them off. If she even remotely thinks you’re bluffing, you’ll be the only one touching your penis for awhile.  And that's it. Whether you’re arguing about who’s turn it is to take out the trash or why you can’t look into her eyes during sex, these helpful tips will make sure you come out on top when you bicker with your better half.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relate The Argument To A Traumatic Childhood Experience

Maybe your Mom didn’t breast-feed you. Maybe your Dad tried to breast-feed you too much. Whatever it is, dig up any past situation that has no bearing on your current argument and use it as your stealthy rogue.  This will confuse and disorient your opponent, and it'll generate additional sympathy and guilt that will solidify your victory.

 

Girlfriend: Were you just checking out that girl?!

 

You: Wow. I’m really hurt that you would think that. This just really makes me feel like that time my mom forgot that I was in the car at the K-Mart parking lot. I waited for almost 45 minutes until she came out. I felt so horrible…I just felt wrong, like nobody wanted me. Do you even love me?

 

 

 

Reverse Psychology

We all know you’ve f*cked up plenty of times with girls. You’ve stayed out too late, missed a birthday or anniversary, or accidentally called her mom a Mexican whore. But what about the one time she screwed up? She might have accidentally forgotten to drop your work shirts off at the cleaners. She might have been 10 minutes late to Wolfman, forcing you to sit in the first aisle of the theater. She might have had an abortion that she never got over. Whatever it is, it had a profound effect on you. Feel free to bring this up when there’s an empty moment in the conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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If you’re like me, the Winter Olympics isn’t exactly must-see TV. Hockey and skiing aside, figure skating, curling, and the biathlon don’t exactly rev my engine. At the very least in the Summer Olympics, we have scantily clad woman in track and beach volleyball to quell our perverted appetite. I think I speak for everyone when I say there is far too much clothing involved in the Winter games.

But don’t tell that to these ladies who make it a point to show off their bodies when temperatures allow. This guide to hot female Olympians in Vancouver may just make the next few weeks pass by just a little easier.

 

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Why Apologies are Important

A look at the simple act of apologizing and its importance.

The young lady was planning to kill her incestuous father.   He had never apologized to her for the cruel things he had done to her.  And to make matters worse, her mother knew about it and she also never apologized for anything.  The young lady grew up, married twice, but never seemed to fully enjoy her life.  The nagging thought that her parents never apologized to her left her incomplete.  She had to move on, and her plot to kill both of them was fermented.  Fortunately a pastor’s wife talked her out of the scheme, thus preventing her from spending the rest of her life behind bars.

 

Apologies do mean a lot.  When you have done something out of character, or said unkind words, or acted in any way that you believe was wrong, a simple apology will help to amend the incident and will help give you room to move forward.  Recently when a famous celebrity went public with his apologies for having let down his fans, it at least cleared the air for him to move on.   Apologies are embarrassing, yes, but they help others to see a bigger person, a greater person, than ever before if they are sincere. 

  Parents make mistakes many times in raising their children.  These are not always intentional, and many times they are done out of ignorance of the right way to raise children.  My mother apologized to my brother and I, and we didn’t even know what she was referring to.  We always felt our mother had done the best she could under the circumstances.  She informed us that she had read a Christian book about the proper way to raise children and she then knew she had made some mistakes.  We, of course, told her not to worry about it.  We were grown when she acknowledged her felt shortcomings.  Parents do have a duty to apologize to their children if they see their mistakes and have the need to receive their forgiveness. 

  Being apologetic does not diminish a person’s status.  In fact, it increases it.  Teachers should be quick to apologize to their students if she has instructed them incorrectly or given them a wrong answer.  Students are quick to show the teacher up, but he or she must be big enough to acknowledge the error and move on.  This way, the students will have even more confidence that the teacher is learning along with them.  The trust factor will increase. 

  Bosses should apologize to their employees if something over which he or she has control went wrong.  Employees should apologize when they make a mistake that they know would hinder the progress of their corporation or workplace.  Recently when one of the large manufacturers of cars admitted to a sticking gas pedal, the apology was forthcoming in that lives were at stake. 

  Husbands and wives make mistakes.  Sometimes they venture out with third parties.  If their infidelity is acknowledged and sincerely repented of, the marriage may be made stronger. 

On the other hand, if no apology is given and no repentance shown, the marriage has a fair chance of being dissolved.  Apologies, in order to be effective, must be heart felt.  Every one can sense an insincere apology.  It is evidenced when the act for which the apology was give is subsequently repeated over again and again. 

  Life would move along much more smoothly when apologies are given.  Even in high places, such as government, apologies help.  We are all human.  We all make mistakes.  We will ever be making mistakes, not intentionally always.  But knowing that there is a little bandage to put to the wounds we inflict, and knowing that the bandages are called “apologies”, we may apply them and see just how fast the wounds we have inflicted will heal.  And that’s what it’s all about— healing!